And now my last(?) gift to shove under the OSR Discord Secret Santicorn tree:
Sylvanas_iii - A dX table of medieval dragons that look nothing like any self-respecting dragon should (e.g. the original French tarrasque)
First of all, before diving into this assignment, I must ask, who gave St. George all the good press for killing such a puny dragon? I mean, this thing looks like it could barely accost a self-respecting princess. Not to mention an armed and armored knight. This creature looks like a hatchling. Clearly, the dragon was the victim here.
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| IT'S JUST A BABY! |
Obviously, the tale grew in the telling.
Anyway, let's go find some weirdos.
1. Ah yes, the Septacranial Fluharmonizer. A beast notable not for its breath weapon, but its melodious vocalizations. "Septs" are often curated as local attractions, fed on a fine selection of lamb and lemon balm to coax their performances for the local economy. The six prima heads harmonize, as the posterihead maintains a rhythmic drone. Their songs are described as like "living pipe organs" by aficionados and as "feral bagpipes" by their detractors.
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| SQUEEZE |
2. Here we have a Loxovenator Rex attacking its favored prey, an elephant. This serpentine, flying beast sports long, stout teeth for piercing the tough hide, while it uses its sinuous body to entangle and hopefully topple the large animal. However, this strategy is chancy, as many Loxovenators have been crushed under their prey, with the most unfortunate cases of both animals perishing in an embrace of death. Elephant herds keep a careful watch for these hunters, with matron-herds bunching around the young in defensive rings if one appears in the sky.
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| So much derp |
3. Here, we see a depiction of a Pennatus Dracopellicius, obviously after being slain by some St. George wannabe. Yeah, yeah, the ladies are soooo impressed. Considering this creature is about as adept of a foe as a large, land-bound penguin. In spite of its impressive array of wings, they are mostly just for show, as it buzzes around like a drunken hummingbird. Likewise, their breath weapon is about as dangerous as a hail of burnt popcorn. These dragons are valued, not for their challenge in combat, but for their furry hides, which are all the rage in the construction of mufflers for discerning ladies of the court this year.
4. What do we have here? Oh yes, a Lesser Vespertilian Dragon being accosted by what appears to be a naked, shaved gnome. Clearly some sort of depraved gnomish initiation ritual. As with St. George's dragon, the sympathy is clearly on the dragon's side. Although sporting sharp hearing, these reclusive beasts may be wrested from their burrows during slumber, as with this poor specimen. Their sensitive ears prove a weak spot, both to loud noises, as well as grabby little gnome hands. After he secures his eight-second ride, let's hope this gnome is practicing catch-and-release and allows the poor beast to return to its burrow.
5. Here we have a pair of Bicranial Dracolians, the pushmi-pullyu of the dragon world. As seen in this depiction, specimens often have a more draconic primary head, with a somewhat mammalian "tail-head." In this case, they look like large rats. Maybe mongoose if we're being really generous. An incredibly paranoid beast, they are exceptionally difficult to track and stalk, as one head maintains some level of alertness at all times. If a pair or more group up, just give up all hope of sneaking up on them without some significant magic. Fortunately, they are somewhat inefficient combatants, as the heads have a tendency for conflicting strategies during fights. As depicted below:
Fight-Flee-Freeze may happen all at once... Breath weapons are limited to severe halitosis.
6. Ah! A less common species of the Bicranial variant, the Bicranial Mimus. Rather than the mammalian animal secondary head, these appear to have a humanoid head. Be not fooled, as the "head" is just a ganglion cluster mimicking a head through evolutionary means. The greatest risk from these dragons is the gibbering, blathering imitation of speech issuing from the secondary head. Some weak-minded hunters have been lulled into fascination by this mimicry, not unlike that performed by an angler fish. While the dragon is typically a herbivore, as seen in this plate, they are opportunistic omnivores, and a soft-headed Nimrod is fair game for these weak-jawed specimens.
7. Next up, a Pearlmansis Bilateris, known for their hoarding of pigeons. Here, a specimen is shown defending its natural dovecote. While more respectable dragons may have a coterie of mewling sycophants, "Pearlmans" prefer to practice husbandry of various Columbidae species. Rumor has it that the dragons use these birds not only for food, but as a intra-species communication method, although the communication medium has not been determined. Understandably, these dragons are not a respectable foe for any aspiring dragon-slayer knight. Because who wants to admit to killing a pigeon-keeper?
And now, a few dragons being embarrassed:
8. First up, a Slobevian Knuckle-walker being the unwilling test subject of Sir Mortimer Pettiform IV with his prototype dragon-proof armor. Sir Mortimer gives the poor beast a pugnacious boot to the rear in the hopes of stress-testing his protective outfit. This particular breed can only respond with a half-hearted flame as it cringes. Better luck finding a suitable test subject next time, Mort!
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| by Henry Justice Ford |
9. Now we have Sir Bevis fending off a pair of Spiny Commasticos, still torpid after their winter hibernation, and therefore easily outwitted. Bevis shows his "courage" in this advantageous situation by wielding a large cudgel. Undoubtably, as his adventuring companion Sir Butthead keeps a watch out and flashes metal signs.
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| by Hannes Bok |
10. And, a more recent depiction, with the adventurers Sturgill Pflemmeger and Howarth Buggins-Proctor wrestling a Felis Draconidae (Although it looks like Pflemmeger is doing the bulk of the work at this time). Their bearing of non-lethal weapons indicates that this was one of their specimen-collecting expeditions for the Pottsylvania National Zoo. Felis species, although impressive-looking, are susceptible to tummy rubs.
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