Sunday, September 28, 2014

Cooking with Monsters...

Well, cooking monsters, not so much with them (they tend to use waaayy too much tarragon.)

Greg Gorgonmilk is accepting submissions for Edible Monster Parts for a crowd-sourced table for his next issue of Underworld Lore:

Submission Guidelines for the Edible Monster Parts table are as follows:
  1. Name and identify a specific monster-derived food or beverage. Tell us where it comes from, how it's harvested and prepared.
  2. Explain any special precautions or necessary conditions that must be considered before obtaining the Monster Part(s).
  3. Identify and explain any special effects resulting from consumption of the Part(s). Provide mechanics if necessary.
  4. Identify and explain any neutral or negative side-effects. Provide the % chances that these effects may occur.
  5. If necessary, explain how long the part takes to digest and how it might affect a creature's urine, fecal matter or spoor. Will monsters be able to detect its presence via any of these markers?
Might as well make up a tasty dish...

Grell Ceviche:

A dish for daring dungeon epicures...

One (1) medium grell (workers are more readily-available, and tend to be more easily prepared, although true connoisseurs will insist on philosophers). Cut tentacles similar to calamari rings.  Be cautious to wear heavy gauntlets during the preparation, as the tentacles will retain their paralytic qualities prior to preparation. Many an aspiring chef has been found frozen at their chopping block... 

Prepare by dousing in sufficient lime juice to cover and chill overnight.  After the mixture has marinated, drain half of the lime juice and garnish with tomato, green onions, pepper, cilantro, and diced shrieker. Dwarves will spice the mixture with Belegostian mine-peppers for a bit of extra bite.  

Although some complain that the ceviche is a bit chewy, most find it to be much less tough than roper steaks or trapper filet.

Consumption of grell ceviche will grant levitation for 4-12 turns.  Although the citric acid tends to neutralize the paralyzing poisons, there is a 25% chance of numbness of the lips and mouth, causing drooling and slurring, and 10% chance of stronger paralysis, lasting 2d4 rounds (save vs. paralysis, +4).  A number of daring connoisseurs have been killed or severely affected by temporary paralysis of the esophagus.

Adding minced hippocampus from the grell's brain to the dish adds a small (5% worker/15% philosopher) chance of limited telepathy for 1d4 hours. Great fun (and potential embarrassment) at dungeon cocktail parties. However, any grell in the vicinity have a 66% to sense the telepathy, interpret it as a distress signal from an injured or dying colleague, and send scouts to investigate.   

No comments:

Post a Comment